Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
