mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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