$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
