she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
