My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
