I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
