Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
