so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
