i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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