I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
