Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
