Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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