Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
