i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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