3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
