I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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