try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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