what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I will pee on everything he values.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
