My hand turned me down
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
