i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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