JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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