Yo dont text me then not text me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
