Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
