Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
