I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
