He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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