Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
