I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
