dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
