There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
