oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
