is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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