These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
