does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
