so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
