she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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