It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me I should be a condom model.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
