Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
