the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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