Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
