so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do vagina's smell?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
