im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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