And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
