so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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