Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
