I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
