You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
