I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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