I'm jealous of your bromance
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
