Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
