dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There r osticjed everywhere
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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