mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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